Tuesday, May 27, 2003
As we grow up, we are all faced with various threats on what the consequences would be if we are not GOOD God-fearing children.
Threats on our freedom, on the fate of our souls or on our very "lives".
"You better be good ah or dei ti gong (whatever that meant...) will come and get you ah.." was a favourite of my maternal grandmother who played an intergral part in my upbringing when my parents were at work. (Now the boogey man in her favourite phrse has updated itself and morphed into the 'karang guni man' of this day and age for my younger cousins)
So what does it mean to be good? As a Catholic, I'm told the epitome of goodness is to live a life like how the Son of God had lived it, according to the eleven comandments...
Chastity, Charity and Piety also come to mind and well, basically just living a generally God-fearing life.
A friend showed me a paper which had all the things we were supposed to meditate upon before entering confession.
Me being who I am, didn't know that we were supoosed to meditate on these things before going in there till that very moment.
Sheesh.. What a Catholic eh?
Anyhow, I glanced through that list and I knew, with every sentence I read, that I was already probably damned to Hell and probably already more than half way there.
I can't remember what was on that piece of paper that my friend carried with him in his very wallet.. but whatever it was I thank the power of selective memory that no details of that event remain in my memories of that day. Afterall, who wants to reflect on how they are going to end up in Hell anyway everyday?
How CAN a person live a life like that?
I know that it's impossible otherwise there wouldn't be such a thing as confession.
Still, to live a life based on those kind of rules is something more than I can bear. I admit, maybe I'm just not holy or God-fearing enough but even the most holy of us slip up sometimes... don't they? If they don't, then they're not human.
This brings me to my question. Does this mean that I'm not good?
I guess it's innately human to want, to desire to attain the qualification of 'goodness' in character and in life. It is drilled into us with threats, bribes, rewards and punishments all through our formative years. That we should feel the desire to be 'good' is the very essence of being a 'useful/you(3) yong(4)' person in society and having achieved that, our parents would feel that they've accomplished their God-given duty to instill in us goodness of character.
When we don't do as we're told, we are branded unfilial, useless disappointments. We start to feel bad about ourselves and in turn try to better our behavioiur and adjust our attitudes to reattain the level of goodness expected of us.
Maybe I'm just superimposing my thoughts on the matter on a very general scope, maybe I'm not..
Maybe a majority of human beings feel this way, maybe not.. who am I to say?
Truth be told, this entire rant started out when I got booted off a cable anime program by my mom and brother (who are supposed to be at loggerheads but I won't go into that...) for a regular program which they could have watched on the TV upstairs or in his room.
SITUATION is that we only have cable on the TV downstairs in the main living room which we usually have dinner infront of.
AGREEMENT establish upon installation of said cable was that cable programs would take precedence over regular programs, a rule which is usually enforced in the event of soccer matches. When it comes to what my younger sister wants and what 'WE' want it's a different story.. in which case, what 'I' want doesn't count for nuts... even though by right 'I' should be getting "I's" way. I think of the many times I've given up my rights to watch a program just so that my sister or 'WE' could watch something else.. As for the events of this evening, I can only blame it on my own damned sense of filial piety.. they've embedded the hooks of emotional blackmail too deep within me and it's practically ingrained into my psyche so much so that I can only curse myself when I'm forced by sheer guilt to give in..
I've had a little discussion with my friend D about the concept of goodness and the human desire to be 'good' and what he says is true.. The concept of goodness is all relative and 'being good' is whatever you believe it to be, so long as you can back up your words or actions with believable (hence usually valid) explainations and rationings. Makes sense doesn't it? Hence, I'm now a believer that good is just what you can make people believe it to be. Now I think that's good enough reason for me to become a tad more manipulative.. and then no one can say anything about it because I'm doing it for my own good and what's good for me has to be good on some level ... hasn't it?
Threats on our freedom, on the fate of our souls or on our very "lives".
"You better be good ah or dei ti gong (whatever that meant...) will come and get you ah.." was a favourite of my maternal grandmother who played an intergral part in my upbringing when my parents were at work. (Now the boogey man in her favourite phrse has updated itself and morphed into the 'karang guni man' of this day and age for my younger cousins)
So what does it mean to be good? As a Catholic, I'm told the epitome of goodness is to live a life like how the Son of God had lived it, according to the eleven comandments...
Chastity, Charity and Piety also come to mind and well, basically just living a generally God-fearing life.
A friend showed me a paper which had all the things we were supposed to meditate upon before entering confession.
Me being who I am, didn't know that we were supoosed to meditate on these things before going in there till that very moment.
Sheesh.. What a Catholic eh?
Anyhow, I glanced through that list and I knew, with every sentence I read, that I was already probably damned to Hell and probably already more than half way there.
I can't remember what was on that piece of paper that my friend carried with him in his very wallet.. but whatever it was I thank the power of selective memory that no details of that event remain in my memories of that day. Afterall, who wants to reflect on how they are going to end up in Hell anyway everyday?
How CAN a person live a life like that?
I know that it's impossible otherwise there wouldn't be such a thing as confession.
Still, to live a life based on those kind of rules is something more than I can bear. I admit, maybe I'm just not holy or God-fearing enough but even the most holy of us slip up sometimes... don't they? If they don't, then they're not human.
This brings me to my question. Does this mean that I'm not good?
I guess it's innately human to want, to desire to attain the qualification of 'goodness' in character and in life. It is drilled into us with threats, bribes, rewards and punishments all through our formative years. That we should feel the desire to be 'good' is the very essence of being a 'useful/you(3) yong(4)' person in society and having achieved that, our parents would feel that they've accomplished their God-given duty to instill in us goodness of character.
When we don't do as we're told, we are branded unfilial, useless disappointments. We start to feel bad about ourselves and in turn try to better our behavioiur and adjust our attitudes to reattain the level of goodness expected of us.
Maybe I'm just superimposing my thoughts on the matter on a very general scope, maybe I'm not..
Maybe a majority of human beings feel this way, maybe not.. who am I to say?
Truth be told, this entire rant started out when I got booted off a cable anime program by my mom and brother (who are supposed to be at loggerheads but I won't go into that...) for a regular program which they could have watched on the TV upstairs or in his room.
SITUATION is that we only have cable on the TV downstairs in the main living room which we usually have dinner infront of.
AGREEMENT establish upon installation of said cable was that cable programs would take precedence over regular programs, a rule which is usually enforced in the event of soccer matches. When it comes to what my younger sister wants and what 'WE' want it's a different story.. in which case, what 'I' want doesn't count for nuts... even though by right 'I' should be getting "I's" way. I think of the many times I've given up my rights to watch a program just so that my sister or 'WE' could watch something else.. As for the events of this evening, I can only blame it on my own damned sense of filial piety.. they've embedded the hooks of emotional blackmail too deep within me and it's practically ingrained into my psyche so much so that I can only curse myself when I'm forced by sheer guilt to give in..
I've had a little discussion with my friend D about the concept of goodness and the human desire to be 'good' and what he says is true.. The concept of goodness is all relative and 'being good' is whatever you believe it to be, so long as you can back up your words or actions with believable (hence usually valid) explainations and rationings. Makes sense doesn't it? Hence, I'm now a believer that good is just what you can make people believe it to be. Now I think that's good enough reason for me to become a tad more manipulative.. and then no one can say anything about it because I'm doing it for my own good and what's good for me has to be good on some level ... hasn't it?
Which Member of the Endless Are You?
Which Naruto Character Are You?
Test by naruto - kun.com>
| Disorder | Rating |
| Paranoid: | Very High |
| Schizoid: | Moderate |
| Schizotypal: | Very High |
| Antisocial: | Moderate |
| Borderline: | Low |
| Histrionic: | High |
| Narcissistic: | High |
| Avoidant: | Very High |
| Dependent: | High |
| Obsessive-Compulsive: | High |
-- Personality Disorder Test -- -- Personality Disorder Information -- | |